What are Your Triggers?

What happens to you when you get triggered by something in your world?

Maybe it’s something as simple as a slow driver in traffic and you are late to work?

Or maybe it a negative comment from your Mother?

Or maybe something your partner did….or DIDN’T do?

Or maybe your boss pointed out something wrong with the project you put your heart and soul into?

All of these can be triggers for you, in turn causing an upset inside of you.

Then what happens? Rage, anger, bitterness and resentment? Suffering inside?

These are all normal human responses to your world.  However, you DO have choices that you can make between the stimulus and response of what is happening inside of you.

You can choose to:

  1. Explode your emotions, yell and scream, blame everyone and everything for your upset.
  2. Hide your upset, emotions and keep it all locked up inside.
  3. Feel your feelings. See what is the deeper level of the trigger. Take responsibility for your upset. Heal the wound inside of you.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
~Viktor E. Frankl

You DO have a choice.

I can share with you from personal experience, that #1 and #2 don’t resolve the suffering inside.  In the past, not knowing any better, I unconsciously choose the screaming response. It is not very attractive and it took much of my precious energy.

Then there was a period in my life where I thought that being quiet and keeping my anger inside and diffused was a better choice.  Repressing emotions, also not a good choice as it manifested into illness in my body.

Have you experienced the pain of an upset and unconsciously choose response #1 or #2?

If you want to find a resolution to your upset and bring peace to yourself, then response #3 is the best choice. However, it takes conscious awareness of what’s going on inside of you AND the willingness to take responsibility for your upset.

“Only you can take dominion over your consciousness.”~ Dr. Mary Hulnick

If, in the midst of the space between your stimulus and response of your trigger, you choose response #3, here are the steps I suggest you move through to find freedom from the suffering inside of yourself:

  1. Recognize the trigger and give yourself some space.
  2. Feel your feelings, angry, upset, mad….allow yourself to FEEL them.
  3. Take 100% responsibility for your upset.
  4. Rise above your life as an observer and see what is really happening.
  5. Look to see what the upset is REALLY about…then go deeper. The thing is never the thing.
  6. Move into self-forgiveness for any judgements you might have towards yourself and others.
  7. Now as you have released your judgments, you can see the truth in the situation.
  8. Repeat as necessary.

“Every time one person heals an issue, all of humanity evolves.” ~Dr. Ron Hulnick

You do have the power to heal your triggers and upsets. Peace and freedom are on the other side of the suffering.

nourish-your-soulMaybe you are dealing with a trigger and upset right now in your life.

Ask yourself how bad do you want to heal?

Are you ready to see the truth?

Are you ready to take responsibility for your own upset without blaming another person?

Are you ready heal your own suffering?

If you are ready, use these steps to begin your healing.

I would love to hear your feedback in how this post can support you in finding peace and freedom from your suffering. And as always, if you need some support with this, I invite you to reach out to me.

Much love,

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Skipping Over The Pain

Who wants to feel pain?  If you hurt yourself physically such as spraining your ankle, you take a pain reliever….right? You eliminate the pain and suffering. It helps you tolerate the pain and still get on with life.

Yet what happens when you feel emotional pain?

Do you automatically take a pain reliever? A pain reliever for emotional pain might be…

…avoidance.no pain

…busyness.

…justification.

…alcohol or drugs.

…any combination of these “pain relievers” listed above.

Again, who wants to feel pain?

Not too long ago, I was an expert at skipping over my own pain.

My feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness were pushed down with avoidance and busyness.  I even created a story that justified my actions.  No one knew how often I shoved down my upset feelings.

I just kept plugging away at my life and skipping over my pain.

Seriously I was so good at skipping over any pain. I was also the one who took ibuprofen and cold medicine at the first sign of physical pain or illness.  I didn’t have time for the pain.

What I didn’t see was the manifestation of my actions. It was adding to my stress and anxiety in life. I was totally drained physically and actually moved to a place of numbness in my emotions.

emotions4I was so numb, I wasn’t even aware when I skipped the pain. My actions had become unconscious.

Until I finally had hit my threshold of silent suffering and asked for help.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she could see how numb I was. I had stuffed my anger and put on my big smile (my mask) so long it took a while before I could feel the anger and upset.

Needless to say, she and I worked together to help me feel the anger and release it in a safe way.  Pillows, plastic bats, yelling and screaming…I got so much out!

It was like I popped the cork and let the sh** flow out!

My life began to shift once I began to feel my emotions, especially the upsetting ones. Mad, anger, resentful, sadness, shame, guilt…I was finally able to feel them all and let them flow from me instead of avoiding them.

Coincidently at this time I also became allergic to over the counter pain medication! Now I had to feel the pain…of my physical and emotional pain.

Do you ever find yourself skipping over your pain?

Do you ignore it, avoid it and stay busy to not experience it?

Do you medicate your emotional pain?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, know that you are not alone. It is part of our human conditioning to avoid pain AND if you desire to live a fulfilling and healthy life, it is necessary to feel ALL your emotions.

Here are some steps to support you in this process.

  1. When you feel a disturbance of your peace inside, your physiology is triggered. This is your indicator that some emotion is coming up. DON’T SKIP OVER THE FEELINGS!
  2. Stop what are doing, take a personal break from what you are doing and give yourself some space to inquire inside. STEP AWAY!
  3. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me?” Don’t sugar coat it, ask for the truth and allow the emotion to come up. SEE THE TRUTH!
  4. Your feeling might be anger or sadness…both are very real and important feelings. If you are feeling the anger, grab a pen and paper and write down what is coming up for you. I call this “Free Form Writing” where you kinesthetically release your upset emotions on to the paper. You just write every dirty word, uncensored, raw and real words that want to come up.  DON’T REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE! This is a healthy release of upset emotions and and opportunity for you to tap into what’s really going on inside of you.
  5. As you release your anger, you might feel like crying.  LET YOUR TEARS FLOW! Your tears flow as a release from any emotion that may have been blocked. Don’t judge your crying as weak as it is imperative that you allow them to flow.
  6. Remember, don’t reread what you wrote in your Free Form Writing. Crumple up your paper and BURN IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
  7. Move to a place of love and compassion for yourself.  APPLY LOVING AND LIGHT to the parts that hurt.
  8. Repeat these steps as needed when you feel an upset inside. Your personal self-inquiry is so important as you will find out what’s really going on inside of you. FIND YOUR HEALTHY RELEASE!

The more you can identify and feel your upsetting emotions, the more you will be able to feel the good emotions like joy, happiness, fulfillment and love.

I use these tools in my life to support my mental, emotional and physical health. And there are still times that I find emotions5myself skipping over my feelings. I am blessed to work with an amazing coach and spiritual teacher who helps me see my blind spots when I’m unconsciously skipping over my pain.

I continue to do my own inner work and do my own self-inquiries about my feelings in my life.  As I do my own work, it strengthens me so I can support my clients and the people in my life.

To bring this poignant topic home, I am sharing more lyrics from Carly Simon’s song, “Haven’t Got Time For the Pain” that bring this full circle:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
’til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you”

Fill your heart with self-compassion and love. “Open up and drink in all that white light pouring down from heaven.”

If this blog post touches your emotions and resonates with you, I’d love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

If you desire more support in understanding more about your feelings, I invite you to call me so I can support you in finding more peace, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Much love,

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5 Easy Peasy Steps to Stop Your Stinking Thinking: For Good!

Do you every find yourself weighted down with the doomsday, “What ifs?”  Do your negative thoughts escalate and you find yourself in a space that is totally awful and really….stinking? Does it stop you dead in your tracks of any positive movement in your life?  It has been a reality for me (in the past) and I would find myself overwhelmed and then my brain would run in upset overdrive!

Not a good feeling.

I have great news for you if you’ve had this happen to you. You can change your thoughts….and change your life!  Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best.  You have the power to recognize what your brain is doing to you, stop and shift your thoughts from self defeating to become self empowering.

It is your choice and really pretty easy once you are conscious of your attitude, actions and behaviors to make the shift.  Here are the easy steps you can follow to guide you to find freedom from the suffering of stinking thinking:

1.  Recognize that your mind is in the negative mode.

Stop and acknowledge where you are in the present moment in your mind, body and heart.  Feel what the negative pattern is doing to you and where it can take you.

2.  Relax and take some cleansing breaths.

Close your eyes and just breathe.  Allow yourself to take some deep cleansing breaths.  Visualize the negative thought pattern leaving you when you exhale.

3.  Let go of the negative thought and release it from your consciousness.

Then breathe in the LIGHT when you inhale.  Cleanse your consciousness with the light.  Allow yourself to release the thought patterns with the power of your breath.

4.  Create a loving and supportive thought and message to yourself.

Take the negative thought and shift it 180 degrees the other way.  If the thought is, “Those idiots in traffic piss me off! They are so stupid!”  Change your thought to, “I don’t know what is happening in the life of those motorists, and I won’t give up my energy to them.  I will release them from thoughts and support myself with positive loving thoughts.  I will drive in traffic with grace and ease”

5.  Keep repeating the new loving, supportive thought as often as needed.

Whatever your new thought shift message is, keep repeating it to yourself.  As you keep saying it (even if you don’t believe it at first!) it gains more power and energy in your consciousness.  Your old thought pattern will dissolve itself…..for GOOD!

HERE IS THEY KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS….. You have to WANT to change your stinking thinking…for your benefit.  Not for your spouse, boss, parents or anyone for that matter.  YOU have to WANT the change in your life.

Use these steps the next time you feel the negative nudging coming on.  The more you practice these steps and WANT the change; you will see and feel a world of difference the level of peace in happiness in your life.

I’d love to hear from you about what helps you when you aren’t feeling so positive.  List them in the comments below to share.  If you felt that these steps are valuable, please share them with your community on any of the buttons below! Thanks!

Much love + light,

A Success Story: The Personal Evolution of a Friend

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  I had the honor of watching her evolve, month by month.  Embracing each new lesson she had the courage to take an honest look inside herself.  And she chose to change.

I would not have guessed that this charming woman 20 years my senior would be such a good friend when I met her 19 years ago. She was closer to my Mom’s age and I even introduced them thinking they would have more in common.  But much to my surprise, my friend felt more connected to me and my young energy than my Mom.  That was when I confirmed that my friend Carolyn was truly a young spirit deep inside.

We had connected throughout the years and she even began attending the earliest version of my self improvement workshops in 2005.  Carolyn was open to learning and growing, but I could also see that she was still feeling the pain of some emotional trauma a few years before.  And she was there to learn and heal.

However, I could see the woundedness deep within her.  Her trauma was deep and lasting. Yet as time had passed her anger and upset were not as present, but I could see there were still some lingering emotions.

As she began attending my Heartfelt Learning Workshops in January 2011, she was right there to support a new area of my consulting practice.  But this was different.  These workshops presented Carolyn with material that made her think about herself.  She spent quality time looking inside herself and began to truly connect with the group who attended each month.

But what was different for Carolyn is that she was embracing the learning material each and every month.  She took the information to heart.  She spent the time between sessions observing herself and her behavior.  SHE TOOK THE MATERIAL SERIOUSLY!! 

She would be the first one to share her experiences from the prior month and had more questions.  She was discovering more about her triggers and upsets, and more importantly, how to process them and release them.  She embraced the lessons on forgiveness for herself and others.  She reframed old messages and beliefs into beautiful affirmations that supported her inner growth.

Each month she was releasing old emotional baggage that no longer served her.  She was making room for powerful positive energy to come into her life.  Every time I saw her, she was lighter and brighter.  She was using all the life skills tools she was learning and now they were a part of her everyday life.  She was evolving right before my eyes.  For someone who already had so much fun, lively spirit, others around her could see more sparkle and glow emanating from her.

From my observations of my dear friend, here are the steps she took to create her success in her personal evolution:

1.  She made a commitment to the learning.

2.  She took the quiet time to reflect on her thoughts, actions and behaviors.

3.  She lived the lessons and made them part of her everyday life.  She practiced the tools and used the resources

4.  She moved to a place of vulnerability with the group and felt safe enough to share, knowing that she would be loved and not judged.

4.  She shared (and continues to share) her new healthy way of being with her friends, family and clients as well.

5.  She loved (and continues to love) herself enough to invest the time in learning, healing and growing.

My friend Carolyn is truly an evolved woman and I have had the honor and privilege to witness her transformation.  She now shares herself differently with the world.  She sees the beauty and light inside herself and gives others permission to shine their light as well!

Love ya Mojo!!

 

Forgiveness: Not Something We do for Others…It’s for Our Healing

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”   ~ Louis B. Smedes

Have you ever experienced the upset and anger for an injustice in your past?  Do you still feel the upset even today?

Chances are, you probably have.  Why?  Because you are human and this is a normal human experience.  These are human emotions that can be triggered by an outside event.  The upset and anger are what you feel inside within your emotional body. The key here is, what you do with that upset and anger.

Do you internalize it and keep it inside or externalize it with emotional outbursts?  Do you hold grudges and resentments towards those individuals?  Have you been holding on to those negative feelings for years?  Does this anger feed your “story” about the injustice?  Do you spew this anger onto others?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to know that there are other choices of how you look at a situation that has caused you this upset.  If you are open to looking at the other choices, here are some questions to ask yourself as you move forward in your healing process:

1.  How much energy am I expending on being angry and upset at this situation?

2.  Am I willing to give up my own personal energy to this situation?

3.  Have I acknowledged and processed my feelings in a healthy way…such as free-form writing?

4.  Am I judging the person, or their behavior, and what are those judgments?

5.  Am I open to releasing the negative emotion from my SELF?

6.  Am I open to the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is the inner action of giving love and compassion to our SELF and others.  It is the remedy to the pain and separation that anger, resentment and judgment causes. Forgiveness is the release of the chains that hold you back from the peace you so deserve in your life, despite the perceptions you may have created around the upsetting situation.

It doesn’t make what they did right, it releases you from the pain inside of you.  Forgiveness is truly the healing resource you have available to you in any situation.

Dean Ornish, M.D. writes in the Foreword of the book  A Course in Weight Loss/21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever  by Marianne Williamson,

“When we forgive others, it doesn’t excuse their actions; it frees us from our own stress and suffering.  These allow for deep levels of intimacy and community that are powerfully healing.  When you meet hatred with love, and fear with hope, this transforms YOU, as well as those around you.”

Are you ready to forgive and create a new way to remember?  Are you ready to change the memory of your past to the hope for your future?

Forgiveness as a Healing Tool

“Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”  ~Mark Twain

Have you ever experienced the upset and anger for an injustice someone else did towards you?  Chances are you probably have.  Why?  Because we are human and this is a normal human experience.  These are human emotions that can be triggered by an outside event.  The upset and anger are what we feel inside within our emotional body.

The key here is, what you do with that upset and anger?  Do you internalize it and keep it inside or externalize it with emotional outbursts?  Do you hold grudges and resentments towards those individuals?  Do you hold on to those negative feelings for years and years?  Does this anger feed your “story” about the injustice?  Do you spew this anger onto others?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to know that there are other choices of how you look at a situation that has caused you this upset.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1.  How much energy am I expending on being angry and upset at this situation?

2.  Am I willing to give up my own personal energy to this situation?

3.  Have I acknowledged and processed my feelings in a healthy way…such as free-form writing or journaling?

4.  Am I judging the person or their behavior, and what are those judgments?

5.  Am I open to releasing the negative emotion from my SELF?

6.  Am I open to the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is the inner action of giving love and compassion to our SELF and others.  It is the remedy to the pain and separation that anger, resentment and judgment causes. It is an action that acknowledges that we are human and, at times, our behavior is not what we want it to be.  Forgiveness is the release of the chains that hold us back from the peace we so deserve in our lives, despite the perceptions we created around the upsetting situation.

Forgiveness is truly the healing resource we have available to us in any situation. Perhaps this may all sound so very difficult for you, but I offer you these suggestions to experience.  When you move through these steps….and then through the forgiveness process….you will truly feel the release.

If you want to find out more about the forgiveness process, come to the next Heartfelt Learning Workshop session, “The Healing Power of Self Forgiveness” on Wednesday, June 22, 2011.  For more details: http://www.heartfeltworkforce.com/workshops/HeartfeltWorkshops5-5-11.pdf

Releasing My Triggers and Upsets…..Yes, it’s possible!

As I am preparing the curriculum for my next Heartfelt Learning Workshop session, “The Steps to Issue Resolution,” I am blessed to reflect on my own journey of understanding how to resolve  triggers, upsets and issues with myself and others.   I love to share my wisdom in my workshops and coaching because I have been (in the past) there in the pain, upset, anger, negative emotion and all the other icky feelings.  However at that time, I did not know what to do with these feelings.  The thought of upsetting others just kept me in fear and frozen.  So I did what I knew….kept on plugging away and living my unconscious life.

I remember early in my emotional healing and spiritual awakening in 2005, I had no idea what any of this meant.  I was living life in a very unconscious way and simply reacting to the chaos of the individuals in my life.  I had given chunks of myself to my family and expected them to love me in return.  And when they did not (or could not), I was easily triggered into anger and then resentment.  But because I was the “good wife, mother, sister, daughter….,” I did not show my anger.  I only repressed it and kept it inside.  What a surprise when it began to leak out in unattractive ways.

In learning more about triggers, I realized that I might as well have a key pad attached to my heart in dealing with certain individuals in my life.  They knew what buttons to push!  I was triggered all the time, and just became small when triggered.  I felt helpless and hopeless.  In my healing resources, I learned how to not give away my power and to stand up for myself.  I could speak my truth and be in my own personal power.  I learned to be more conscious of how I was with myself and others.   I learned that I did not have to give in to someone and answer right away and even to say “no” as a complete sentence.  As I learned the tools and steps to resolve my inner disturbances and began to practice them, I began building my inner strength.  This strength was truly from the inside out.   I utilized my affirmations to continue to build this deep inner strength.

What was truly miraculous was that every time I encountered those individuals, after my inner work, they were no longer triggers for me.  I had removed the key pad from my heart.  My original thought was that even if they tried to trigger me, my buttons were not there anymore.  The truth was that I took responsibility for my triggers and behaviors.  So as my behavior changed, their behavior changed.  I had moved from a place of anger and judgment to a space of loving and compassion for myself and those in my life.  My relationships evolved as I evolved.

I still find from time to time that something might begin to create an upset within me, however I am now immediately conscious of it and my behavior.  I move into these steps and process it quickly so I can find my place of peace inside.  It reminds me of  a favorite quote from one of my professors at the University of Santa Monica, Dr. Ron Hulnick,Every time one person resolves one issue, all of humanity evolves.”

Come and learn more about these steps for yourself at my next Heartfelt Learning Workshop , Wednesday May 25, “The Steps to Issue Resolution”. I’d love to share with you!