Speaking the Unspoken

SPEAKING THE UNSPOKEN.
How many conversations do you have in your head that you want to say to someone, but don’t.

You don’t want to hurt their feelings.pc-head
You don’t want to explode on them.
You want to be nice.

So you shut down. You keep your unspoken words inside.

Then every time you see them again, the thoughts come up again. Then you shut them down again.

These thoughts, unspoken words, are also attached to some feelings inside of you. So when you suppress the words, you also suppress the feelings.

Without my awareness, I had a few of these unspoken conversations running in my head and heart. I didn’t realize what they were doing inside of me.

Last week they all came bubbling up when I least expected and I had a breakdown. I found myself in tears. My body reflected it and I felt flu symptoms. In this tearful mess, I could see that something desperately needed my attention.

With the support of my loving husband, my mentor and my sacred sisters, they held space for me to inquire why this was happening.

What I discovered was that I had shut down my voice. I had kept these unspoken conversations to certain people in my life, running in my head and had suppressed the feelings attached to them.

So I gave myself the space of a Sunday afternoon and wrote the unspoken words to each person that I wanted to say.

Some messages were short and to the point.journaling
Some brought tears of sadness.
One message brought out my ANGER and DISGUST. It was 5 pages long and filled with cuss words.

Wow, what a release! Was I holding all of this in? No wonder it began leaking out of me.

I could see that from this exercise of writing my unspoken words, it allowed me to see if I needed to take the next step. Some needed a personal conversation, some needed nothing as this writing was enough.

But one needed a hand written truth letter that spoke from the deepest part of me. My truth. My voice. My feelings.

Vulnerable and raw, I wrote 3 versions of the letter and drove it to the post office yesterday.

My heart was racing as I opened the mailbox. Boom….let it go! Its out there now.

They might be pissed off when they read it. They might rip it up and laugh. They might burn it. I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY DO WITH IT.

This was my release of my unspoken words. This was me knowing my truth inside of me and finally stepping in to my fear and having it heard.

My breakdown and then breakthrough did not happen to me.
It happened FOR me.
It was time to release and heal.
It was in service to what miracles are awaiting me!
I now have some newfound energy and light inside of me!

Do you have some unspoken conversations inside of you?
Give yourself some time and space and ask yourself if there is something you want to say to someone else, but haven’t.

What is your truth? What does your voice want to say?

As I have moved through the power of this experience, I can see how important it is for me to share this with you.

Are you ready for your FREEDOM inside?

I would love to hear your feedback in how this post can support you in finding peace and freedom from your suffering. And as always, if you need some support with this, I invite you to reach out to me.
Much love,

 

 

 

 

What can you do?

What can you do?

It seems like every day more chaos erupts in the world.

How does it make you feel? Angry, bitter, hateful? It might be easy to jump to these negative feelings.

But adding hate to hate does not solve the problem. And you can’t solve the world’s problems yourself.

What can you do in your world to make a difference?

First, you can send love and blessings to all the individuals connected with the violent situations. You can send this love and light to all concerned for their highest good.

Next, look to see where you might have chaos in your life. Where do you have judgements towards others?

Where do you create separation from others?

Then you can look to see if you are open to forgiving your judgments towards the other person or persons. This can be tricky as I suggest forgiving your judgments against the person, not forgiving the person.

This doesn’t condone their behavior, but it releases you from your suffering. This is your barrier to loving energy.

Then send love and light to the other person. They don’t even have to know. Have compassion for both of you. See the truth in whatever the situation might be.

Be the loving example.

I have asked myself this question recently, “What can I do?” I have taken a deep dive myself into what my chaos is. Yes, I still get triggered and upset at situations…I’m still human!

I easily found the person(s) whom I had judgements towards. I moved through the forgiveness process. I have sent the love. I actually send them love and light every day in my prayers.

What would it feel like for you to release your chaos?

Peaceful, free, expansive, open, and light.  I know because this is what I’m feeling now that I am in the process of healing the chaos in my heart.

What would the world be like if we all took responsibility for our chaos and took action to heal it?

This may only be an small step, yet the world is ready for many small steps of healing. This reminds me of the quote by my beloved mentor, Dr. Ron Hulnick from the University of Santa Monica;

vision1Every time one person resolves one issue, all of humanity evolves.”

I challenge you to take a look into your world. Maybe your chaos and judgment is towards another person, or maybe it is towards yourself.

How can you heal yourself and let it be part of the collective healing of humanity.

That’s what you can do. 

Sending you much love, light and healing,

signature.chris_smaller

 

 

I am here to be seen.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to be invisible so no one can see you? Where it is easier to blend into the woodwork and hide?

“I am here to be seen.”  I could hear those words coming from my own mouth, but my voice cracked and got real small.

One of the first activities Robert Holden shared with me and 87 other coaches this past July at the University of Santa Monica Soul-Centered Coaching Lab, was to partner with someone and say these words.  And their response was, “I see you.” Each morning we spent about 5 minutes partnering with different people to speak both of these messages and show that we were present and open to be seen.

Robert guided us each of our 5 days through this activity to begin our day of learning with him.

“I am here to be seen” and “I see you.”

Here is 7 year old Chrissy 🙂

After realizing how “small” my voice became, I focused and shifted my energy to be strong, confident and present. I felt a powerful shift inside myself. And yet……

…….this small voice was not to be ignored.  Whose small voice was this?  Whose voice was struggling with being seen?

It was my little girl. It was little Chrissy.  She was hesitant about being seen. Her belief was that if you are seen, then people will make fun of you.

With the help of my coach and doing some self-inquiries, I discovered that my sweet 7 year old experienced a little trauma that shut  her down and created a fear about “being seen.”

I remember being in the 2nd grade and our teacher was introducing us to oral reports. I was so excited about this experience that I raised my hand and said I wanted to go first the next day.

Right away I knew that I wanted to do a report on a flower that intrigued me.  I went home with so much energy inside to find out facts about this flower so I could share in my report.

So the next day, I was loaded with enthusiasm and excitement.

I was first to share and then sat down with a huge smile on my face.  However, after I listened to each report by the other students, my excitement diminished.

Everyone else’s reports were better than mine.  Mine was boring in comparison.

Yes, I compared their reports to mine and it was no longer special and exciting. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my work.

chrissy 7 yrs

Sweet little Chrissy 🙂

In my 7 year old mind, I compared my work to others and it wasn’t good enough.

In my 7 year old mind, I created separation.

In my 7 year old mind, the other kids were better and smarter than me.

I experienced comparison and then separation.

The message I created in my 7 year old mind was, “Don’t raise your hand, you will embarrass yourself; Your work isn’t as good at the other kids; It’s better to not be seen than be embarrassed”

This stuck with me for a long time. I learned how to hide in the woodwork  and not be seen. That was easier and safe.

Isn’t it interesting to see how the perception of a small child can create a belief that stays with them through their adult life?

Can you relate to judging yourself as not being good enough and comparing yourself to others?

Fast forward to the present:

I’ve spent the past 6 years growing my coaching/consulting practice and “being seen” in front of many groups.  I still get squeamish and nervous when I get in front of a crowd.  And yes, my voice cracks sometimes.

I have been working on healing those little wounds and changing my beliefs around being seen.

I have done some inner work with little Chrissy to let her know that its ok to been seen.  There is nothing to fear or be embarrassed about.

I let her know that what she has to say and share with the world, matters.

I let her know that she is learning and sometimes that means failing and trying again.

I let her know that she is loved and she doesn’t have anything to fear.

I’m the adult and I will be seen for both of us.

She is part of me, and as I’m healing this part of me, I can own my power and my grace to be seen.

Sometimes it is the little traumas that we don’t realize are getting in our way.

When your little one gets in the way of your success, it is time to take a look at who is really showing up in your life.

Ask yourself this question…….Is it your adult, or your little one, who is blocking your success? 

Here I am posing on the big stage at the eWomenNetwork Conference!

Here I am posing on the big stage at the eWomenNetwork Conference!

Fast forward to today:

I am being guided to make a bigger presence and bigger impact to share my message to bigger groups. I met an amazing speaker coach at the eWomenNetwork International Conference in August who is helping me strengthen my skills as a professional speaker and messenger.

I am standing in MY truth and sharing with the world my message about living consciously and creating more peace, love and equanimity in our lives.

I am standing in MY truth and teaching practical tools to women and men, about how to eliminate their self imposed suffering with worry, anxiety, fear and anger.

I am standing in MY truth and doing my own inner work and be the change I want to see in the world.

I am standing in MY truth to learn, grow and evolve as a professional coach, trainer AND speaker to share my message  with the world.

Can you relate to my story either as a child or an adult? Where are you hiding in your life?

I am here to be seen. And I see you.

With much love and gratitude,

signature.chris_smaller

 

 

 

 

 

If you liked this post, I’d love to hear your comments below. And if you know that this post would support others, please share it…thanks!

A Success Story: The Personal Evolution of a Friend

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  I had the honor of watching her evolve, month by month.  Embracing each new lesson she had the courage to take an honest look inside herself.  And she chose to change.

I would not have guessed that this charming woman 20 years my senior would be such a good friend when I met her 19 years ago. She was closer to my Mom’s age and I even introduced them thinking they would have more in common.  But much to my surprise, my friend felt more connected to me and my young energy than my Mom.  That was when I confirmed that my friend Carolyn was truly a young spirit deep inside.

We had connected throughout the years and she even began attending the earliest version of my self improvement workshops in 2005.  Carolyn was open to learning and growing, but I could also see that she was still feeling the pain of some emotional trauma a few years before.  And she was there to learn and heal.

However, I could see the woundedness deep within her.  Her trauma was deep and lasting. Yet as time had passed her anger and upset were not as present, but I could see there were still some lingering emotions.

As she began attending my Heartfelt Learning Workshops in January 2011, she was right there to support a new area of my consulting practice.  But this was different.  These workshops presented Carolyn with material that made her think about herself.  She spent quality time looking inside herself and began to truly connect with the group who attended each month.

But what was different for Carolyn is that she was embracing the learning material each and every month.  She took the information to heart.  She spent the time between sessions observing herself and her behavior.  SHE TOOK THE MATERIAL SERIOUSLY!! 

She would be the first one to share her experiences from the prior month and had more questions.  She was discovering more about her triggers and upsets, and more importantly, how to process them and release them.  She embraced the lessons on forgiveness for herself and others.  She reframed old messages and beliefs into beautiful affirmations that supported her inner growth.

Each month she was releasing old emotional baggage that no longer served her.  She was making room for powerful positive energy to come into her life.  Every time I saw her, she was lighter and brighter.  She was using all the life skills tools she was learning and now they were a part of her everyday life.  She was evolving right before my eyes.  For someone who already had so much fun, lively spirit, others around her could see more sparkle and glow emanating from her.

From my observations of my dear friend, here are the steps she took to create her success in her personal evolution:

1.  She made a commitment to the learning.

2.  She took the quiet time to reflect on her thoughts, actions and behaviors.

3.  She lived the lessons and made them part of her everyday life.  She practiced the tools and used the resources

4.  She moved to a place of vulnerability with the group and felt safe enough to share, knowing that she would be loved and not judged.

4.  She shared (and continues to share) her new healthy way of being with her friends, family and clients as well.

5.  She loved (and continues to love) herself enough to invest the time in learning, healing and growing.

My friend Carolyn is truly an evolved woman and I have had the honor and privilege to witness her transformation.  She now shares herself differently with the world.  She sees the beauty and light inside herself and gives others permission to shine their light as well!

Love ya Mojo!!

 

Messages My Parents Didn’t Tell Me…….Creating a Belief From Watching Them

Your parents and authority figures had a powerful impact on your life and how your “Life Laws” were created.  Their impact didn’t even have to be words.  Your belief system and values may have been created by just watching your parent’s behavior… good or bad.

I had the privilege of facilitating a workshop this weekend about eliminating old messages and beliefs that can hold you back from living the life of your dreams. I was able to witness some deep reflection, awareness and healing among the participants. Each of them shared about an old message, some that were outdated and some that were so deeply ingrained in their psyche, they didn’t know if they could change it.

But the most powerful moment was when one of the participants shared how blessed her life has been because the message her mother told her, out loud and with her actions, was that she could be anything she wanted in her life.  She had a positive affirming mother, despite the challenges they went through in life.  Her mother told her good things about herself and demonstrated positive actions in her own life.   To see how successful this woman is today made sense.  She knew as a young child that she was loved, worthy and capable of anything she wanted in life.

Not everyone grew up that way, but you have the power to change those old messages or beliefs to be more affirming, loving and supportive in your life.  Simple messages like:

“I am worthy”

“I am lovable”

“I am beautiful inside and out”

“I deserve good things in my life”

“I live in gratitude and abundance”

“I deserve happiness in my life”

“I am enough”

You can take an old message, transmute it to a positive one and then create a lovely affirmation that supports your growth and upliftment.  Loving yourself with positive messages is food for your heart and soul.

What are your messages or beliefs?  What do you tell yourself?  Is it positive or negative?  Are you open and willing to change these messages if they no longer serve you?  Only you can give yourself the gift of self love, self worth and self honor.  Give yourself that gift today!

 

Forgiveness: Not Something We do for Others…It’s for Our Healing

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”   ~ Louis B. Smedes

Have you ever experienced the upset and anger for an injustice in your past?  Do you still feel the upset even today?

Chances are, you probably have.  Why?  Because you are human and this is a normal human experience.  These are human emotions that can be triggered by an outside event.  The upset and anger are what you feel inside within your emotional body. The key here is, what you do with that upset and anger.

Do you internalize it and keep it inside or externalize it with emotional outbursts?  Do you hold grudges and resentments towards those individuals?  Have you been holding on to those negative feelings for years?  Does this anger feed your “story” about the injustice?  Do you spew this anger onto others?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to know that there are other choices of how you look at a situation that has caused you this upset.  If you are open to looking at the other choices, here are some questions to ask yourself as you move forward in your healing process:

1.  How much energy am I expending on being angry and upset at this situation?

2.  Am I willing to give up my own personal energy to this situation?

3.  Have I acknowledged and processed my feelings in a healthy way…such as free-form writing?

4.  Am I judging the person, or their behavior, and what are those judgments?

5.  Am I open to releasing the negative emotion from my SELF?

6.  Am I open to the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is the inner action of giving love and compassion to our SELF and others.  It is the remedy to the pain and separation that anger, resentment and judgment causes. Forgiveness is the release of the chains that hold you back from the peace you so deserve in your life, despite the perceptions you may have created around the upsetting situation.

It doesn’t make what they did right, it releases you from the pain inside of you.  Forgiveness is truly the healing resource you have available to you in any situation.

Dean Ornish, M.D. writes in the Foreword of the book  A Course in Weight Loss/21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever  by Marianne Williamson,

“When we forgive others, it doesn’t excuse their actions; it frees us from our own stress and suffering.  These allow for deep levels of intimacy and community that are powerfully healing.  When you meet hatred with love, and fear with hope, this transforms YOU, as well as those around you.”

Are you ready to forgive and create a new way to remember?  Are you ready to change the memory of your past to the hope for your future?

Forgiveness as a Healing Tool

“Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”  ~Mark Twain

Have you ever experienced the upset and anger for an injustice someone else did towards you?  Chances are you probably have.  Why?  Because we are human and this is a normal human experience.  These are human emotions that can be triggered by an outside event.  The upset and anger are what we feel inside within our emotional body.

The key here is, what you do with that upset and anger?  Do you internalize it and keep it inside or externalize it with emotional outbursts?  Do you hold grudges and resentments towards those individuals?  Do you hold on to those negative feelings for years and years?  Does this anger feed your “story” about the injustice?  Do you spew this anger onto others?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to know that there are other choices of how you look at a situation that has caused you this upset.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1.  How much energy am I expending on being angry and upset at this situation?

2.  Am I willing to give up my own personal energy to this situation?

3.  Have I acknowledged and processed my feelings in a healthy way…such as free-form writing or journaling?

4.  Am I judging the person or their behavior, and what are those judgments?

5.  Am I open to releasing the negative emotion from my SELF?

6.  Am I open to the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is the inner action of giving love and compassion to our SELF and others.  It is the remedy to the pain and separation that anger, resentment and judgment causes. It is an action that acknowledges that we are human and, at times, our behavior is not what we want it to be.  Forgiveness is the release of the chains that hold us back from the peace we so deserve in our lives, despite the perceptions we created around the upsetting situation.

Forgiveness is truly the healing resource we have available to us in any situation. Perhaps this may all sound so very difficult for you, but I offer you these suggestions to experience.  When you move through these steps….and then through the forgiveness process….you will truly feel the release.

If you want to find out more about the forgiveness process, come to the next Heartfelt Learning Workshop session, “The Healing Power of Self Forgiveness” on Wednesday, June 22, 2011.  For more details: http://www.heartfeltworkforce.com/workshops/HeartfeltWorkshops5-5-11.pdf