Speaking the Unspoken

SPEAKING THE UNSPOKEN.
How many conversations do you have in your head that you want to say to someone, but don’t.

You don’t want to hurt their feelings.pc-head
You don’t want to explode on them.
You want to be nice.

So you shut down. You keep your unspoken words inside.

Then every time you see them again, the thoughts come up again. Then you shut them down again.

These thoughts, unspoken words, are also attached to some feelings inside of you. So when you suppress the words, you also suppress the feelings.

Without my awareness, I had a few of these unspoken conversations running in my head and heart. I didn’t realize what they were doing inside of me.

Last week they all came bubbling up when I least expected and I had a breakdown. I found myself in tears. My body reflected it and I felt flu symptoms. In this tearful mess, I could see that something desperately needed my attention.

With the support of my loving husband, my mentor and my sacred sisters, they held space for me to inquire why this was happening.

What I discovered was that I had shut down my voice. I had kept these unspoken conversations to certain people in my life, running in my head and had suppressed the feelings attached to them.

So I gave myself the space of a Sunday afternoon and wrote the unspoken words to each person that I wanted to say.

Some messages were short and to the point.journaling
Some brought tears of sadness.
One message brought out my ANGER and DISGUST. It was 5 pages long and filled with cuss words.

Wow, what a release! Was I holding all of this in? No wonder it began leaking out of me.

I could see that from this exercise of writing my unspoken words, it allowed me to see if I needed to take the next step. Some needed a personal conversation, some needed nothing as this writing was enough.

But one needed a hand written truth letter that spoke from the deepest part of me. My truth. My voice. My feelings.

Vulnerable and raw, I wrote 3 versions of the letter and drove it to the post office yesterday.

My heart was racing as I opened the mailbox. Boom….let it go! Its out there now.

They might be pissed off when they read it. They might rip it up and laugh. They might burn it. I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY DO WITH IT.

This was my release of my unspoken words. This was me knowing my truth inside of me and finally stepping in to my fear and having it heard.

My breakdown and then breakthrough did not happen to me.
It happened FOR me.
It was time to release and heal.
It was in service to what miracles are awaiting me!
I now have some newfound energy and light inside of me!

Do you have some unspoken conversations inside of you?
Give yourself some time and space and ask yourself if there is something you want to say to someone else, but haven’t.

What is your truth? What does your voice want to say?

As I have moved through the power of this experience, I can see how important it is for me to share this with you.

Are you ready for your FREEDOM inside?

I would love to hear your feedback in how this post can support you in finding peace and freedom from your suffering. And as always, if you need some support with this, I invite you to reach out to me.
Much love,

 

 

 

 

Skipping Over The Pain

Who wants to feel pain?  If you hurt yourself physically such as spraining your ankle, you take a pain reliever….right? You eliminate the pain and suffering. It helps you tolerate the pain and still get on with life.

Yet what happens when you feel emotional pain?

Do you automatically take a pain reliever? A pain reliever for emotional pain might be…

…avoidance.no pain

…busyness.

…justification.

…alcohol or drugs.

…any combination of these “pain relievers” listed above.

Again, who wants to feel pain?

Not too long ago, I was an expert at skipping over my own pain.

My feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness were pushed down with avoidance and busyness.  I even created a story that justified my actions.  No one knew how often I shoved down my upset feelings.

I just kept plugging away at my life and skipping over my pain.

Seriously I was so good at skipping over any pain. I was also the one who took ibuprofen and cold medicine at the first sign of physical pain or illness.  I didn’t have time for the pain.

What I didn’t see was the manifestation of my actions. It was adding to my stress and anxiety in life. I was totally drained physically and actually moved to a place of numbness in my emotions.

emotions4I was so numb, I wasn’t even aware when I skipped the pain. My actions had become unconscious.

Until I finally had hit my threshold of silent suffering and asked for help.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she could see how numb I was. I had stuffed my anger and put on my big smile (my mask) so long it took a while before I could feel the anger and upset.

Needless to say, she and I worked together to help me feel the anger and release it in a safe way.  Pillows, plastic bats, yelling and screaming…I got so much out!

It was like I popped the cork and let the sh** flow out!

My life began to shift once I began to feel my emotions, especially the upsetting ones. Mad, anger, resentful, sadness, shame, guilt…I was finally able to feel them all and let them flow from me instead of avoiding them.

Coincidently at this time I also became allergic to over the counter pain medication! Now I had to feel the pain…of my physical and emotional pain.

Do you ever find yourself skipping over your pain?

Do you ignore it, avoid it and stay busy to not experience it?

Do you medicate your emotional pain?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, know that you are not alone. It is part of our human conditioning to avoid pain AND if you desire to live a fulfilling and healthy life, it is necessary to feel ALL your emotions.

Here are some steps to support you in this process.

  1. When you feel a disturbance of your peace inside, your physiology is triggered. This is your indicator that some emotion is coming up. DON’T SKIP OVER THE FEELINGS!
  2. Stop what are doing, take a personal break from what you are doing and give yourself some space to inquire inside. STEP AWAY!
  3. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me?” Don’t sugar coat it, ask for the truth and allow the emotion to come up. SEE THE TRUTH!
  4. Your feeling might be anger or sadness…both are very real and important feelings. If you are feeling the anger, grab a pen and paper and write down what is coming up for you. I call this “Free Form Writing” where you kinesthetically release your upset emotions on to the paper. You just write every dirty word, uncensored, raw and real words that want to come up.  DON’T REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE! This is a healthy release of upset emotions and and opportunity for you to tap into what’s really going on inside of you.
  5. As you release your anger, you might feel like crying.  LET YOUR TEARS FLOW! Your tears flow as a release from any emotion that may have been blocked. Don’t judge your crying as weak as it is imperative that you allow them to flow.
  6. Remember, don’t reread what you wrote in your Free Form Writing. Crumple up your paper and BURN IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
  7. Move to a place of love and compassion for yourself.  APPLY LOVING AND LIGHT to the parts that hurt.
  8. Repeat these steps as needed when you feel an upset inside. Your personal self-inquiry is so important as you will find out what’s really going on inside of you. FIND YOUR HEALTHY RELEASE!

The more you can identify and feel your upsetting emotions, the more you will be able to feel the good emotions like joy, happiness, fulfillment and love.

I use these tools in my life to support my mental, emotional and physical health. And there are still times that I find emotions5myself skipping over my feelings. I am blessed to work with an amazing coach and spiritual teacher who helps me see my blind spots when I’m unconsciously skipping over my pain.

I continue to do my own inner work and do my own self-inquiries about my feelings in my life.  As I do my own work, it strengthens me so I can support my clients and the people in my life.

To bring this poignant topic home, I am sharing more lyrics from Carly Simon’s song, “Haven’t Got Time For the Pain” that bring this full circle:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
’til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you”

Fill your heart with self-compassion and love. “Open up and drink in all that white light pouring down from heaven.”

If this blog post touches your emotions and resonates with you, I’d love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

If you desire more support in understanding more about your feelings, I invite you to call me so I can support you in finding more peace, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Much love,

signature.chris_smaller

 

 

 

6 Empowering Steps to Build Your Inner Freedom

When you look at your life, what do you need to let go of?  What drains your power on a regular basis?  Does it bring you suffering?

Are you ready to take the steps to release it and feel the peace inside?

You may find yourself all knotted up when you think about what you should let go of in your life.  It could be toxic people, old beliefs, hurts from the past, anger and resentment, emotional weight or even self defeating behaviors.  When you take some quality reflective time, you will discover exactly what it is you need to release from your life.

At one time or another, I had all of the above hanging on to me.  I have been blessed to have experience the pain (yes, blessed) because it moved me action to find better solutions to my pain.  In my own life journey, I have learned the following steps that have helped me find my own inner peace:

1.  Take the quiet time to go inside and reflect.  Be honest with yourself and look to see what it is that you are ready to let go of.

2.  Write down what it is, relationships, hurts, behaviors, etc.  Acknowledge it in writing.  Take a look at it.

3.  Build your resource team to help you let go, support you, keep you accountable and celebrate with you when you have released. This could be a trusted friend, therapist or coach.

4.  Create your action plan and move into it.  One step at a time. Be courageous and vulnerable.

5.  Acknowledge yourself every step of the way of your release.  It may be simple and quick or it may take some time.  Be patient and loving to yourself along the way.

6.  Keep reminding yourself that every self honoring choice moves you closer to your inner peace and freedom.

You will find this letting go process very self empowering and freeing.  And here is the best part of the letting go process….

You can bring what you truly desire into your life now.  Bring on all the goodness!

I know that I’m ready to let go of procrastinating about writing my blogs and videos!  I’m ready to let go of that perfectionist voice in my head that says its not good enough.  I’m not a perfectionist because I’m always a work in progress!

How about you?  What are you ready to let go of?  I’d love to hear about what you are ready to let go of in the comment section below. Remember when you declare it, you make it real!!!

Much love and light,

 

 

 

 

Are you Paying Attention to Signs and Synchronicities?

Do you sometimes wonder if God is trying to send you messages?  Do things happen in your life and you wonder if you are supposed to pay attention to a deeper meaning of what’s going on right in front of you?

Time to pay attention.

When you become more conscious of your life, through intentions or reflections, you will see how the divine messages come to you.  Conscious awareness to the signs and synchronicities that show up in your life can be an eye opener and not just a coincidence.

It took me while, and when I began to pay attention, I was amazed.

My personal journey of conscious awareness began about seven years ago when I was in the midst of what I call my mid-life reflection.  I took a look at my life and asked myself if I was happy.  I could see the chaos and dysfunction in me and around me.  I stopped blaming others for my unhappiness, took responsibility for it and dove head first into the discovery and healing of me.

As soon as I made the shift to conscious awareness, I could finally see my divine path of happiness right in front of me.

I paid attention to my energy and how I felt in the presence of other people.  I learned to let go of those relationships that drained my energy.  I was then guided to more positive and loving relationships in my personal and professional life.  Those relationships are the ones that fueled my positive energy.

When I would ask God for a sign to guide me, it would be shown.  Not necessarily in my timing, but in divine timing. 

This was a sign given to me by a fellow USM student. She picked me out of the crowd and gave it to me. It surely was an obvious sign for me!

I had to be patient and trust that I would be guided.  Sometimes the sign would clearly indicate where I was NOT supposed to be.  Then I would change paths instead of trying to force my will on something that was not meant to be.

When you follow the signs that bring you to your divine path, life actually becomes more peaceful and joyful.

When you take the time to reflect on your life, pay close attention to what manifests in your life.  Here are my simple take away tips for you to follow your divine path:

1.      Take quiet time to pray and meditate each morning and set your intentions for your day, not your to-do list, but intentions of how you want to be.

2.      Ask God (or whatever your higher power might be) to show you signs of your divine path.

3.      At the end of each day, take time to reflect and review what messages you may have been shown.

4.      Let go of any negative attitudes, actions and behaviors that no longer serve you or your path.

5.      Acknowledge your gratitude for all the goodness and lessons in your life.

I challenge you to move into these action steps to discover more about your divine path. Begin today!

If you have already experienced the divinity of signs and synchronicities in your life, I’d LOVE to hear about them!  Share here in the comment section below.  If you love this post and think that it would be helpful to your peeps, please share it.  Enjoy your journey!!

 

Much love and light,

When Lessons Present Themselves: Shifting from Upset to Equanimity

Yesterday was a day for lessons to be learned.  I wouldn’t have guessed it when I began the day, but by the end of the evening, I could see that I was being tested.  And by this morning I could see that the universe was truly speaking to me loud and clear!  I acknowledged my upset, was able to process it, and then find a place of equanimity in each situation I was presented with.

Here are the scenarios.  Midday I had to return to my former employer to drop off some important paperwork.  Was I fearful to go to this location after 2 years and painful memories? YES!  Did I want someone else to do this for me? YES!  Did I have the courage to do it anyways? YES!  Was I ok afterwards? YES!

LESSON:  Embrace my power and do what might be uncomfortable. Don’t ask anyone to do what I can do myself.

Evening time, after spending five hours preparing for out of town relatives to come over for a lovely dinner.  The table was set with my fine china and my crystal glasses.  Even Martha Stewart would have been impressed with my table decor!  During dinner, someone drops and breaks one of the dinner plates!  Ouch!  It’s OK, it is replaceable and everyone was OK.  Not even 20 minutes later, one of the crystal glasses is knocked over and shatters!  Ouch! It’s OK, its replaceable and it made the plate crasher not feel so bad.   Was I upset because my plate and glass were broken by other people? YES, but for just a second. The truth is that they are replaceable.

LESSON:  Possessions are just stuff and can be replaced.  I looked around at the loving family who we were sharing a meal with and saw that they were more important than any stuff!

And the last lesson for this whirlwind of 24 hours.  I go outside to our beautiful picturesque backyard that my husband and I spent hours trimming and planting to prepare for the dinner. Our beautiful fig vine that has enveloped the entire north side of the house was dead where it had grown on our patio ceiling.  My husband had accidently clipped a main artery to this beautiful piece of nature art.  Oh no, not the vine!  Was I upset, YES, and only for a second.  I quickly shifted to the realization that it is just a plant and, like a bad haircut,  it will grow back maybe even more beautiful.

LESSON:  In our efforts to rid of overgrowth and debris, we let go of something we hadn’t intended to.  We let it go of it anyways and will focus on the future growth.  

How did I shift from upset to equanimity in each situation?

1.  I acknowledged my feelings of upset.  It is a normal human reaction.  

2.  I rose above the situation and saw it with out any ego attachment that would make someone wrong.

3.  I saw the facts and truth in the situation.

4.  I looked towards my future actions that I would need to do.

5.  In my heart, I forgave myself for any judgments I may have had towards others or myself.

6.  I let it go.

7.  I looked for the lesson in each situation and kept that in my heart.

Three different times in a 24 hour period my emotions were triggered.  First with fear, then with upset (x 2).  Each time, I acknowledged my feelings, processed them in a healthy way and looked for the lesson in each situation.  Equanimity is finding that place of emotional balance that helps me keep the peace inside of me.  I find that with each lesson I can find that place of equanimity quicker each time, despite what challenges my every day life offers me.

Next time you find yourself in and an emotional state, try following the steps listed above and you too will find that peace inside of you.

 

How Do You SEE the World – Through Positive or Negative Glasses?

“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”  ~ Marcus Antonius AD 86-161

Do you ever find yourself thinking negative thought patterns and become overwhelmed with the negative “what if”?  Are you the type of person who always sees what is wrong with a situation….instead of what is right?

I have recently experienced a few individuals who see the world with such a perspective.  What I believe is that they are very unconscious of their behavior and it has just become part of how they live their lives.  And then they wonder why they have sickness and illness.  And then they wonder why their friends and family avoid spending time with them.  They wonder why this world is so bad and awful. You may not experience these feeling yourself, but you might know someone just like that.

Our thoughts are very powerful and can take us spiraling down….or up.  You have the choice in any moment of how you think, which translates to how your feel, then how you act.  You can shift your thoughts in any moment.  You can look for the good in any circumstance. You have the power to live your life from a positive perspective.  Here are just a few suggestions to help you, or someone in your life, make the shift:

1.  Live in the present moment.  When you dwell on the negativity of the past or future, you miss out on the beauty of your life right in front of you.

2.  Consciously look for what is good in any situation.  I promise you, if you look for the good, you will find it.  Even if it a lesson to be learned.

3.  Have gratitude for the good and say it out loud.  When you look for the good and show gratitude for it, and then acknowledge it out loud, you move to a positive place within your consciousness.

4.  Eliminate negativity from your life.  If the news upsets you, take a break from it.  If you have a negative person in your life, limit your time with them.  Look to see what brings negativity in your life and eliminate it.

5.  Bring more positive energy into your life.  What ever brings you joy and happiness, consciously do more of it.  Fill your life with the things that fuel your energy and you will find an automatic shift in your way of thinking.

6.  If you catch yourself moving into negativity, shift to the positive quickly.  The more you experience positivity in your life, you will know when something shifts back negatively.  As soon as you notice, move into utilizing these steps to bring you back to a positive place.

This life we live is meant to be joy filled, not joy-less.  By consciously shifting your thoughts, actions and behaviors to be more positive, you will find that joy that you so deserve.  We all deserve it!

Your Resolutions….the Secrets to Keeping Them

Are you excited about the newness of 2012?  Have you already made some resolutions and began practicing them? Does it feel good?  Do you want to keep that good feeling and make those changes permanent and not just a memory when March rolls around?

Here are a few of my secrets for creating goals/intentions to change behaviors that can move you in the direction of the goals you want to achieve.  The New Year is a good time to begin, but you can create change any day of the year.

1.  Be realistic with your intentions/goals.  If you want to loose 20 pounds, you need a plan to assist you.  Maybe your goal is manage your food intake and increase your exercise.  Track your food and track your exercise.  The weight will come off based upon your body age, shape and size.

2. Take small steps with your goals/intentions. Break up the big goal into manageable pieces so that the task at hand is not too daunting.  Say you want to learn to paint.  Break up the goals into steps….I will research painting techniques online….I will research painting classes in my area….I will enroll in a class…..I will purchase my materials….

3. Write down your goals/intentions. Just the kinesthetic act of writing this information down activates it into your consciousness and makes it more real instead of just thinking about it.  You also send a message to the Universe about what your desire and commitment is.

4. Acknowledge yourself when you achieve your successes, even the small ones. It is very powerful to have positive thoughts about yourself and the actions you take to achieve your successes.  Saying kind and loving things to yourself activates the positive energy within your mind and body….creating wellness within You.

5. Let go of what is no longer serving you. If something is not bringing value to yourself, whether it is thoughts, feelings, relationships, habits…let them go and release them so that they don’t drain your positive energy.  Write on a piece of paper any negative thoughts or feelings you have inside of you and burn the paper.  Release it from your Self.  Once again, the kinesthetic act of writing releases the negative energy from your body.  Don’t read it after you write it…just crumple it and safely burn it!

6. Have a support network. Whether it is a coach, counselor, friend, loved one…someone you can share you intentions/goals with who will support and love you along the way.  The more people in your support network, the more people you can turn to when you need assistance.

7. Watch as your positive steps become good habits. The more you change your thoughts, behaviors and actions, the more likely they just become part of your everyday life.  Embrace the change in you and your life!!

The New Year is upon us and a wonderful time for Self reflection and change.  You have the power to manifest anything you want in your life.  Be kind to yourself and remember that all change happens only one day at a time, one moment at a time. You are the greatest gift you can give yourself so begin today, right now.  Embrace this moment and celebrate YOU!!

 

A Year in Review….with Loving Gratitude

What was the year 2011 like for you?  Is it easier to remember the bad times and difficult to even find the good ones?  After the busyness of the holidays, it can be a challenge to even remember what we did at the beginning of December!

As an active and positive practice, I go through an activity each year end to acknowledge all the things I am grateful for from the prior year.  I actually go through my appointment calendar and it helps me reflect what I did on a monthly basis.  Work achievements, personal achievements, vacations, goals met, ah ha moments, first time activities….. they were all there.  It even sparked some creative thoughts and wonderful memories as well.

This activity gave me the opportunity to see the good in this past year. That’s the key here….I was looking for the good.  Believe me, there were some challenging times, but this activity has me shift to positive thinking.   It seems that with each year of life, I gain so much more wisdom.  I believe that is the part of learning lessons from the difficult times.

Here are some suggestions to move through this activity yourself and review your year, as you embark on a new 2012:

1. Go through a calendar or planner for 2011.  Walk your steps again. Write down your experiences and activities and what you accomplished and are grateful for.

2. Acknowledge yourself for the experiences.  Look for the good.  If something was difficult, ask yourself what was the lesson learned.

3. Close your eyes and relive the positive experiences.  You can feel the warm positive feelings again and again.

4. Feel the loving gratitude for all your experiences.  You were blessed with an amazing life and the more grateful you are, the more blessings that will come your way.

I ended up with three pages when I did this activity.  It made me feel good.  It also gave me a feeling of closure for the year of 2011.  As I move into the New Year, I can now take this feeling with me as I embark on all the new experiences ahead of me for 2012!

Blessings to you for a heartfelt review of your 2011 and an enlightening 2012!

How Joy-filled is Your Life?

When you look at the word ‘joy’, what sort of reaction does your body feel?  Is it pleasant or unpleasant?  Is it a believable experience for you in your life?   I seem to always be talking about self reflection and asking these questions that make you think!

The word ‘joy’ is defined in dictionary.com as, “The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.” Now how does that make your feel?

The feeling of joy does not always cross our path in our everyday lives.  You may feel as though your life is joy-less. Perhaps it is.  However, you can make that change.  You can consciously bring joy into your life.   Sit down and just write down activities that bring you joy.   Close your eyes and visualize yourself doing it,  then go do it!

Walking in a garden.  Watching children play.  Holding hands with your loved ones.  Painting or some creative activity.  What truly brings you joy?  Honor your SELF by bringing a joy-filled activity to your life at least once a day. Treat yourself to the experience of “great delight or happiness caused by something good or satisfying!” And remember, when you are feeling  joy, your body is releasing endorphins, the ‘feel good’ hormones.  All good stuff for your health and well being!

See the adorable picture in this post?  This is a picture of my sweet Granddaughter Savannah….she just melts my heart and brings me joy!!!

The precious gift about joy is that when your go looking for it, it will show itself to you!  En-joy!!!