Skipping Over The Pain

Who wants to feel pain?  If you hurt yourself physically such as spraining your ankle, you take a pain reliever….right? You eliminate the pain and suffering. It helps you tolerate the pain and still get on with life.

Yet what happens when you feel emotional pain?

Do you automatically take a pain reliever? A pain reliever for emotional pain might be…

…avoidance.no pain

…busyness.

…justification.

…alcohol or drugs.

…any combination of these “pain relievers” listed above.

Again, who wants to feel pain?

Not too long ago, I was an expert at skipping over my own pain.

My feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness were pushed down with avoidance and busyness.  I even created a story that justified my actions.  No one knew how often I shoved down my upset feelings.

I just kept plugging away at my life and skipping over my pain.

Seriously I was so good at skipping over any pain. I was also the one who took ibuprofen and cold medicine at the first sign of physical pain or illness.  I didn’t have time for the pain.

What I didn’t see was the manifestation of my actions. It was adding to my stress and anxiety in life. I was totally drained physically and actually moved to a place of numbness in my emotions.

emotions4I was so numb, I wasn’t even aware when I skipped the pain. My actions had become unconscious.

Until I finally had hit my threshold of silent suffering and asked for help.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she could see how numb I was. I had stuffed my anger and put on my big smile (my mask) so long it took a while before I could feel the anger and upset.

Needless to say, she and I worked together to help me feel the anger and release it in a safe way.  Pillows, plastic bats, yelling and screaming…I got so much out!

It was like I popped the cork and let the sh** flow out!

My life began to shift once I began to feel my emotions, especially the upsetting ones. Mad, anger, resentful, sadness, shame, guilt…I was finally able to feel them all and let them flow from me instead of avoiding them.

Coincidently at this time I also became allergic to over the counter pain medication! Now I had to feel the pain…of my physical and emotional pain.

Do you ever find yourself skipping over your pain?

Do you ignore it, avoid it and stay busy to not experience it?

Do you medicate your emotional pain?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, know that you are not alone. It is part of our human conditioning to avoid pain AND if you desire to live a fulfilling and healthy life, it is necessary to feel ALL your emotions.

Here are some steps to support you in this process.

  1. When you feel a disturbance of your peace inside, your physiology is triggered. This is your indicator that some emotion is coming up. DON’T SKIP OVER THE FEELINGS!
  2. Stop what are doing, take a personal break from what you are doing and give yourself some space to inquire inside. STEP AWAY!
  3. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me?” Don’t sugar coat it, ask for the truth and allow the emotion to come up. SEE THE TRUTH!
  4. Your feeling might be anger or sadness…both are very real and important feelings. If you are feeling the anger, grab a pen and paper and write down what is coming up for you. I call this “Free Form Writing” where you kinesthetically release your upset emotions on to the paper. You just write every dirty word, uncensored, raw and real words that want to come up.  DON’T REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE! This is a healthy release of upset emotions and and opportunity for you to tap into what’s really going on inside of you.
  5. As you release your anger, you might feel like crying.  LET YOUR TEARS FLOW! Your tears flow as a release from any emotion that may have been blocked. Don’t judge your crying as weak as it is imperative that you allow them to flow.
  6. Remember, don’t reread what you wrote in your Free Form Writing. Crumple up your paper and BURN IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
  7. Move to a place of love and compassion for yourself.  APPLY LOVING AND LIGHT to the parts that hurt.
  8. Repeat these steps as needed when you feel an upset inside. Your personal self-inquiry is so important as you will find out what’s really going on inside of you. FIND YOUR HEALTHY RELEASE!

The more you can identify and feel your upsetting emotions, the more you will be able to feel the good emotions like joy, happiness, fulfillment and love.

I use these tools in my life to support my mental, emotional and physical health. And there are still times that I find emotions5myself skipping over my feelings. I am blessed to work with an amazing coach and spiritual teacher who helps me see my blind spots when I’m unconsciously skipping over my pain.

I continue to do my own inner work and do my own self-inquiries about my feelings in my life.  As I do my own work, it strengthens me so I can support my clients and the people in my life.

To bring this poignant topic home, I am sharing more lyrics from Carly Simon’s song, “Haven’t Got Time For the Pain” that bring this full circle:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
’til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you”

Fill your heart with self-compassion and love. “Open up and drink in all that white light pouring down from heaven.”

If this blog post touches your emotions and resonates with you, I’d love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

If you desire more support in understanding more about your feelings, I invite you to call me so I can support you in finding more peace, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Much love,

signature.chris_smaller

 

 

 

In the silence, they heard.

In September last year, a small group of courageous women joined me in the pines of Flagstaff to listen to the Whispers of their Soul.

They were stressed out, over worked busy professional women who knew that something was missing in their lives.

Business deadlineThey thought that working harder would be the answer.  It wasn’t.

They thought that making more money was the answer.  It wasn’t.

They thought that they didn’t have time for a retreat. They found the time.

In the silence, they heard.

They opened their eyes, minds and hearts and asked themselves these questions in the silence of the majestic forest:

Who am I?

What do I desire?IMG_0879

What does my soul want me to know?

What is in the way from me creating my desires?

What is my next step?

In the silence, they heard.

They were astonished with the profound messages they heard from the intelligence of their heart and soul.  They heard their truth from deep inside themselves.

In the sacredness of the container of this retreat, they were able to listen to the whispers of their soul.

They trusted these messages and knew that it was imperative to trust this sacred and wisdom filled part of themselves and to take action in their lives to bring the peace and happiness they so desired.

In the silence, they heard.

Each one of these women’s lives has completely transformed since this retreat. By listening to their soul, releasing their blocks, and taking they action steps they committed to.

“Awaken to the Whispers of Your Soul: A Women’s Mountain Retreat” was a life altering experience for me personally. It was an intimate, soul-revealing journey into the discovery of the riches we all hold within ourselves, riches that ofkaren mercereau 2ten remain hidden, buried beneath years of “life’s little traumas” and the immediacy of our work lives. I came away knowing that this is a journey I have just begun, ready to continue to explore.”

~ Karen Mercereau, Founder/Executive Director RN Patient Advocates, PLLC

Say YES to yourself and the sacredness of this magnificent retreat to listen to the whispers of your soul.

In the silence, you will hear. 

Come join me and a group of like-minded women in my mountain home, in the cool pines of Flagstaff Arizona, June 26, 27 & 28 for a life altering weekend to unplug from your busy life of “doing” and slow way down to listen.

2015-banner-awaken-mtn-retreatSpace is limited for this powerful retreat. Spots are filling quickly so get yours NOW so you can take advantage of the SUPER EARLY BIRD PRICING before  March 15!!!

If you have a desire to be one of these 6 magnificent women who are ready to slow down to listen to the whispers of their soul, call me today.

I don’t want you to miss out on this experience to listen to the whispers of your soul and transform your life.

Much love,

A Year in Review….with Loving Gratitude

What was the year 2011 like for you?  Is it easier to remember the bad times and difficult to even find the good ones?  After the busyness of the holidays, it can be a challenge to even remember what we did at the beginning of December!

As an active and positive practice, I go through an activity each year end to acknowledge all the things I am grateful for from the prior year.  I actually go through my appointment calendar and it helps me reflect what I did on a monthly basis.  Work achievements, personal achievements, vacations, goals met, ah ha moments, first time activities….. they were all there.  It even sparked some creative thoughts and wonderful memories as well.

This activity gave me the opportunity to see the good in this past year. That’s the key here….I was looking for the good.  Believe me, there were some challenging times, but this activity has me shift to positive thinking.   It seems that with each year of life, I gain so much more wisdom.  I believe that is the part of learning lessons from the difficult times.

Here are some suggestions to move through this activity yourself and review your year, as you embark on a new 2012:

1. Go through a calendar or planner for 2011.  Walk your steps again. Write down your experiences and activities and what you accomplished and are grateful for.

2. Acknowledge yourself for the experiences.  Look for the good.  If something was difficult, ask yourself what was the lesson learned.

3. Close your eyes and relive the positive experiences.  You can feel the warm positive feelings again and again.

4. Feel the loving gratitude for all your experiences.  You were blessed with an amazing life and the more grateful you are, the more blessings that will come your way.

I ended up with three pages when I did this activity.  It made me feel good.  It also gave me a feeling of closure for the year of 2011.  As I move into the New Year, I can now take this feeling with me as I embark on all the new experiences ahead of me for 2012!

Blessings to you for a heartfelt review of your 2011 and an enlightening 2012!

The Power of Intentional Living

You may not realize how powerful your thoughts and ideas are within your world.  Every thought that you have in your brain sends a message to yourself about your reality and moves into your consciousness.  It becomes your reality, positive or negative.

So what would it look like if you have positive thoughts and direction about what you want your life to be like?  This is intention.  Webster’s Dictionary defines “intention” as, “A determination to act in a certain way.”  Intention allows you to focus your attention on what you want to create.

Change your thoughts, energy and actions towards your intention.  This is when you can utilize the power within you. Your personal power, not your ego power.  This is the power that comes from deep within your heart and soul.  When you set your intentions of how you want to be and what you want in your life, you create the blueprint.  Intentions…

…are your personal power.

…are your ownership of your life.

…are your commitment.

…allow you to see the vision.

…precede and inspire vision.

…live between potential and action.

In addition to thinking about what you want, you can activate more energy when you write your intentions down with pen and paper.  Visualize yourself in that space of your intentions.  See yourself moving through it.  How does it feel in your visualization?   Make it come alive within your consciousness.   The more senses you use during these activities just increases the positive energy.  When you are doing these activities you are telling the Universe what you desire and see in your future.

Only then, is the challenging step with intentions.  You must surrender your ego attachment to it and release it to the Universe. If it is in your highest good to manifest, it will show up in your life.  Pay attention to the signs and synchronicities around you.  This is when you realize that you are not alone and your intentions are co-created with Spirit.  Trust and allow Spirit to move through you.

Through the power of intentions, you have the ability to create the life you truly desire.

Honor and Integrity Begin from Within

“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”  ~William Shakespeare,

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew deep in your heart you should have said “no” to something, but you said “yes” anyway?

Recently I have been tested about being true to myself and the work I do.  A few years ago when I began my consulting practice, I had someone ask me to propose on a multitude of training programs.  As I was creating the material for the proposal, I had this feeling in my heart that was not comfortable.  Some topics I was an expert in and some I clearly was not. However, I was motivated to grow my business, I proposed it anyway.  In the end, I was not awarded the contract.  That was a huge lesson in listening to my heart.  A huge lesson in compromising myself for the almighty dollar.

As time went on and my practice grew, I became clearer and clearer about what my specialties are.  These are the areas where I am in my golden space and where I shine.  I know it in my heart and I feel it every time I meet with someone for a coaching session or stand in front of a large group to facilitate training.

I’ve had to ask myself…do I honor myself by listening to my inner voice and trust my gut?  Do I keep my honor code with myself?   Do I love and honor myself enough to turn away work if I won’t be authentic in it?  It’s taken me time (remember, I’m still human!) but the answers are yes to all these question.  I get to the yes a whole lot faster when I remember my honor code with myself.  As I’ve evolved in the wisdom of my life, I know that before I can have honor or integrity with others, I must have it for myself.

Have you spent reflective time to ask yourself……do I listen to my inner voice?  Do I trust my gut to tell me when something doesn’t “feel” right?  Do I make choices in my life that honor my Self?  Do I keep my word with myself?  Pay close attention next time you are given an opportunity to make an honoring choice for yourself.  You will truly feel the difference when you come from that deep place inside that is authentically you.

Why is it Scary and Empowering to be Vulnerable?

Somehow I knew it was time.  I knew the topic of the table top discussion at the networking meeting was about humbling moments as a leader.  Was it time to tell a piece of my humbling story?  Was it time to reveal this painful situation in my life?  Was this the right group to share with?  Was it safe to be so vulnerable?  In my heart I knew I had been protecting this part of me that was so hurt.  I could not have shared this experience a year ago without crying.

I knew in my heart that this was a healing opportunity for me.  To say it out loud and to show my humanness.  My heart was ready to share.  I took my wall down and shared my humbling experience with 7 other ladies.  Voice cracking and hands trembling….I did it.  I felt naked, raw and scared right afterwards.  Will they judge me as being weak for sharing?  As everyone continued to share, they too opened themselves up to the “power” of vulnerability.  As fearful as I was after I shared, I felt empowered, as I think they all did as well.  I felt like I let some fresh air to a wound that was healing.

It brought to light so much of a book I read this past year by Dr. Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfectionand a very profound excerpt from her book that resonated with me:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy….the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

I feel as though this experience was brought to me because it was time.  Divine timing none the less, and I feel blessed to be able to experience it and share it.  But somehow the experience of being vulnerable is a way for me to grow more courage muscles….and live more authentically in the heart centered space I choose to be in.

When was the last time you opened up and allowed yourself to be vulnerable? Did you feel the fear and power?  We all have challenges in our lives and when we face them with an open heart, that vulnerability is the key that allows our light to shine.  Shine on!!