What the Babies Taught me About Leadership

(Cuteness alert!) Have you ever learned a life lesson from someone you least expected to?

I have spent the past three months learning lessons from my beautiful twin granddaughters, Morgan and Natalie, who were born on December 15, 2016.

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I was blessed to have my daughter and her newborns stay with me and my husband in our Tucson home. She wanted to be near family as she learned to navigate life with her new babies for the first 3 months of their lives.

Was life in our home crazy? 

Yes, especially night time feedings. She would take one baby and I would take the other…multiple times a night.

Yikes….talk about sleep deprivation!  

I learned so much about my self leadership while caring for these adorable babies.

Who would have thought that they would teach me?

This was the most rewarding and exhausting experience AND I feel so blessed that I could spend this most important time with all of them.

IMG_4217Here are the self leadership lessons these beautiful angels taught me:

1.  BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT.  These little ones are demanding and if I wasn’t present in my attention and my loving, they could feel it. One day I was trying to check emails on my phone, which was on my leg, while feeding Morgan.

She wanted my attention and in her beautiful innocence, kicked my phone off my leg sending it crashing to the tile floor….cracking the screen….ouch!  I heard you Morgan, loud and clear….pay attention when I’m feeding you!

2. MY SELF-CARE IS A MUST. I learned this quickly because sleep deprivation affects EVERYTHING. These babies needed 24/7 care, so we had to do what we could when they were sleeping, which wasn’t always at the same time. I ended up with a 3 week cold that wouldn’t go away. My immune system was taxed!

Both my daughter and I had to make sure that we each had a nap during the day.

My morning meditation practice was never the same. Some days I was rocking a baby to sleep while listening to my meditation recording.  It was even a challenge to get out and take a walk in the neighborhood just to move my body.

I needed to squeeze my self-care activities into the day so that I could fill my cup and continue to give to them. Some days were better than others.

3.  DO THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  This entire experience of co-caring for the babies was THE most important thing. I put all my networking meetings aside. I was VERY select about the clients I did business with during this time.

In the last month of their stay, I found myself focusing on my quality time with the babies. I would let them nap on me instead of rushing to get dishes or laundry done.  I would play on the floor with them instead rushing to check my email or social media.

4. LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART.  Babies are just bundles of love. They exude love, innocence and purity and you can see it in their eyes. All they want is love, security and to be cared for.

Isn’t that what you and I want today as adults….love, security and to be cared for? Looking into their eyes every day cracked my heart wide open AND it made me remember my own love, innocence and purity.

Loving them opened me up to even more loving of myself. Caring for them was an expression of love that I felt deep within my Soul.

Each day I cared for them, these lessons were brought in front of me and allowed me to make honoring choices for myself.IMG_0146

I see how easy it can be for new parents to forget about themselves and give themselves over to the babies or whomever someone might be caring for.

Have you ever forgotten about yourself when you get wrapped up in caring for someone or even a big project at work?

Each one of these lessons were brought to my attention at the perfect time. I didn’t always make the best choice at first, and that is where my learning came in.

The babies were just the beautiful experience for me to learn more about myself and how I lead my life. (more cuteness below!)

I invite you to look in your life right now and see where an experience is in front of you to learn some lessons. It may be disguised as exhaustion, suffering or lack of something.

Look deeper into the situation and see where you can make honoring choices in your life that support your total well being.

As always, if you need some support with what you discover, give me a call as I would love to support you in living your best life!

Much love,

 

 

 

 

PS….here is more cuteness of Morgan and Natalie to drink up!
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Speaking the Unspoken

SPEAKING THE UNSPOKEN.
How many conversations do you have in your head that you want to say to someone, but don’t.

You don’t want to hurt their feelings.pc-head
You don’t want to explode on them.
You want to be nice.

So you shut down. You keep your unspoken words inside.

Then every time you see them again, the thoughts come up again. Then you shut them down again.

These thoughts, unspoken words, are also attached to some feelings inside of you. So when you suppress the words, you also suppress the feelings.

Without my awareness, I had a few of these unspoken conversations running in my head and heart. I didn’t realize what they were doing inside of me.

Last week they all came bubbling up when I least expected and I had a breakdown. I found myself in tears. My body reflected it and I felt flu symptoms. In this tearful mess, I could see that something desperately needed my attention.

With the support of my loving husband, my mentor and my sacred sisters, they held space for me to inquire why this was happening.

What I discovered was that I had shut down my voice. I had kept these unspoken conversations to certain people in my life, running in my head and had suppressed the feelings attached to them.

So I gave myself the space of a Sunday afternoon and wrote the unspoken words to each person that I wanted to say.

Some messages were short and to the point.journaling
Some brought tears of sadness.
One message brought out my ANGER and DISGUST. It was 5 pages long and filled with cuss words.

Wow, what a release! Was I holding all of this in? No wonder it began leaking out of me.

I could see that from this exercise of writing my unspoken words, it allowed me to see if I needed to take the next step. Some needed a personal conversation, some needed nothing as this writing was enough.

But one needed a hand written truth letter that spoke from the deepest part of me. My truth. My voice. My feelings.

Vulnerable and raw, I wrote 3 versions of the letter and drove it to the post office yesterday.

My heart was racing as I opened the mailbox. Boom….let it go! Its out there now.

They might be pissed off when they read it. They might rip it up and laugh. They might burn it. I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY DO WITH IT.

This was my release of my unspoken words. This was me knowing my truth inside of me and finally stepping in to my fear and having it heard.

My breakdown and then breakthrough did not happen to me.
It happened FOR me.
It was time to release and heal.
It was in service to what miracles are awaiting me!
I now have some newfound energy and light inside of me!

Do you have some unspoken conversations inside of you?
Give yourself some time and space and ask yourself if there is something you want to say to someone else, but haven’t.

What is your truth? What does your voice want to say?

As I have moved through the power of this experience, I can see how important it is for me to share this with you.

Are you ready for your FREEDOM inside?

I would love to hear your feedback in how this post can support you in finding peace and freedom from your suffering. And as always, if you need some support with this, I invite you to reach out to me.
Much love,

 

 

 

 

What are Your Triggers?

What happens to you when you get triggered by something in your world?

Maybe it’s something as simple as a slow driver in traffic and you are late to work?

Or maybe it a negative comment from your Mother?

Or maybe something your partner did….or DIDN’T do?

Or maybe your boss pointed out something wrong with the project you put your heart and soul into?

All of these can be triggers for you, in turn causing an upset inside of you.

Then what happens? Rage, anger, bitterness and resentment? Suffering inside?

These are all normal human responses to your world.  However, you DO have choices that you can make between the stimulus and response of what is happening inside of you.

You can choose to:

  1. Explode your emotions, yell and scream, blame everyone and everything for your upset.
  2. Hide your upset, emotions and keep it all locked up inside.
  3. Feel your feelings. See what is the deeper level of the trigger. Take responsibility for your upset. Heal the wound inside of you.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
~Viktor E. Frankl

You DO have a choice.

I can share with you from personal experience, that #1 and #2 don’t resolve the suffering inside.  In the past, not knowing any better, I unconsciously choose the screaming response. It is not very attractive and it took much of my precious energy.

Then there was a period in my life where I thought that being quiet and keeping my anger inside and diffused was a better choice.  Repressing emotions, also not a good choice as it manifested into illness in my body.

Have you experienced the pain of an upset and unconsciously choose response #1 or #2?

If you want to find a resolution to your upset and bring peace to yourself, then response #3 is the best choice. However, it takes conscious awareness of what’s going on inside of you AND the willingness to take responsibility for your upset.

“Only you can take dominion over your consciousness.”~ Dr. Mary Hulnick

If, in the midst of the space between your stimulus and response of your trigger, you choose response #3, here are the steps I suggest you move through to find freedom from the suffering inside of yourself:

  1. Recognize the trigger and give yourself some space.
  2. Feel your feelings, angry, upset, mad….allow yourself to FEEL them.
  3. Take 100% responsibility for your upset.
  4. Rise above your life as an observer and see what is really happening.
  5. Look to see what the upset is REALLY about…then go deeper. The thing is never the thing.
  6. Move into self-forgiveness for any judgements you might have towards yourself and others.
  7. Now as you have released your judgments, you can see the truth in the situation.
  8. Repeat as necessary.

“Every time one person heals an issue, all of humanity evolves.” ~Dr. Ron Hulnick

You do have the power to heal your triggers and upsets. Peace and freedom are on the other side of the suffering.

nourish-your-soulMaybe you are dealing with a trigger and upset right now in your life.

Ask yourself how bad do you want to heal?

Are you ready to see the truth?

Are you ready to take responsibility for your own upset without blaming another person?

Are you ready heal your own suffering?

If you are ready, use these steps to begin your healing.

I would love to hear your feedback in how this post can support you in finding peace and freedom from your suffering. And as always, if you need some support with this, I invite you to reach out to me.

Much love,

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Skipping Over The Pain

Who wants to feel pain?  If you hurt yourself physically such as spraining your ankle, you take a pain reliever….right? You eliminate the pain and suffering. It helps you tolerate the pain and still get on with life.

Yet what happens when you feel emotional pain?

Do you automatically take a pain reliever? A pain reliever for emotional pain might be…

…avoidance.no pain

…busyness.

…justification.

…alcohol or drugs.

…any combination of these “pain relievers” listed above.

Again, who wants to feel pain?

Not too long ago, I was an expert at skipping over my own pain.

My feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness were pushed down with avoidance and busyness.  I even created a story that justified my actions.  No one knew how often I shoved down my upset feelings.

I just kept plugging away at my life and skipping over my pain.

Seriously I was so good at skipping over any pain. I was also the one who took ibuprofen and cold medicine at the first sign of physical pain or illness.  I didn’t have time for the pain.

What I didn’t see was the manifestation of my actions. It was adding to my stress and anxiety in life. I was totally drained physically and actually moved to a place of numbness in my emotions.

emotions4I was so numb, I wasn’t even aware when I skipped the pain. My actions had become unconscious.

Until I finally had hit my threshold of silent suffering and asked for help.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she could see how numb I was. I had stuffed my anger and put on my big smile (my mask) so long it took a while before I could feel the anger and upset.

Needless to say, she and I worked together to help me feel the anger and release it in a safe way.  Pillows, plastic bats, yelling and screaming…I got so much out!

It was like I popped the cork and let the sh** flow out!

My life began to shift once I began to feel my emotions, especially the upsetting ones. Mad, anger, resentful, sadness, shame, guilt…I was finally able to feel them all and let them flow from me instead of avoiding them.

Coincidently at this time I also became allergic to over the counter pain medication! Now I had to feel the pain…of my physical and emotional pain.

Do you ever find yourself skipping over your pain?

Do you ignore it, avoid it and stay busy to not experience it?

Do you medicate your emotional pain?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, know that you are not alone. It is part of our human conditioning to avoid pain AND if you desire to live a fulfilling and healthy life, it is necessary to feel ALL your emotions.

Here are some steps to support you in this process.

  1. When you feel a disturbance of your peace inside, your physiology is triggered. This is your indicator that some emotion is coming up. DON’T SKIP OVER THE FEELINGS!
  2. Stop what are doing, take a personal break from what you are doing and give yourself some space to inquire inside. STEP AWAY!
  3. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me?” Don’t sugar coat it, ask for the truth and allow the emotion to come up. SEE THE TRUTH!
  4. Your feeling might be anger or sadness…both are very real and important feelings. If you are feeling the anger, grab a pen and paper and write down what is coming up for you. I call this “Free Form Writing” where you kinesthetically release your upset emotions on to the paper. You just write every dirty word, uncensored, raw and real words that want to come up.  DON’T REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE! This is a healthy release of upset emotions and and opportunity for you to tap into what’s really going on inside of you.
  5. As you release your anger, you might feel like crying.  LET YOUR TEARS FLOW! Your tears flow as a release from any emotion that may have been blocked. Don’t judge your crying as weak as it is imperative that you allow them to flow.
  6. Remember, don’t reread what you wrote in your Free Form Writing. Crumple up your paper and BURN IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
  7. Move to a place of love and compassion for yourself.  APPLY LOVING AND LIGHT to the parts that hurt.
  8. Repeat these steps as needed when you feel an upset inside. Your personal self-inquiry is so important as you will find out what’s really going on inside of you. FIND YOUR HEALTHY RELEASE!

The more you can identify and feel your upsetting emotions, the more you will be able to feel the good emotions like joy, happiness, fulfillment and love.

I use these tools in my life to support my mental, emotional and physical health. And there are still times that I find emotions5myself skipping over my feelings. I am blessed to work with an amazing coach and spiritual teacher who helps me see my blind spots when I’m unconsciously skipping over my pain.

I continue to do my own inner work and do my own self-inquiries about my feelings in my life.  As I do my own work, it strengthens me so I can support my clients and the people in my life.

To bring this poignant topic home, I am sharing more lyrics from Carly Simon’s song, “Haven’t Got Time For the Pain” that bring this full circle:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
’til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you”

Fill your heart with self-compassion and love. “Open up and drink in all that white light pouring down from heaven.”

If this blog post touches your emotions and resonates with you, I’d love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

If you desire more support in understanding more about your feelings, I invite you to call me so I can support you in finding more peace, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Much love,

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