9 Steps to Dissolve Your Fear

Does fear have its hold on you?  Do you find it challenging to make changes in your life, because of fear? Do you feel like you are missing out on the good things in life because you are afraid to take the steps to get you there?

Are you afraid of the unknown future, so you don’t do anything?

You are not alone.  You are like many of us who want to find more inner peace, but somehow fear has paralyzed you.   At your evolutionary roots, fear comes from your fight or flight reflexes within your brain to keep you safe from harm.

Your thoughts of fear are what stop you in your tracks.

No need to let fear control your life anymore!  When you take the time to look deep inside yourself you can transmute fear to be part of your support system.

Not too long ago, I lived in fear of change and failure.   When I finally moved to a place in my life where I had the courage to change (because I wanted it bad enough!) I acknowledged my fear and stepped into it anyway.

Here are the 9 steps that guided me, and will help you release the hold that fear has on you:

1.  Take a deep look at how fear exists in your life.

2.  Have a dialog with fear and find out its deeper purpose for you.

3.  Ask fear to take on a new supportive role in your life.

4.  Take a look at what you really want in your life where fear is your obstacle.

5.  Visualize yourself already in action living your dream, with fear by your side in its new role.

6.  Thank your fear for its old role and celebrate its new role.

7.  Create action steps to manifest your dream, with fear in its new role.

8.  Take your steps one by one as you move closer to your dream.

9.  Celebrate your courage as you manifest your dream and you live your life to its fullest!

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Take back your power and the control fear has on you.  Each time you move into action with these steps, you become stronger and build your courage muscles.  Your fear will become smaller and smaller each time.  You will find yourself ready to take on any challenge, and you will have a new relationship with fear as a support instead of roadblock.

You have the power to dissolve your fear.  You’ve had it all along.

When you want change bad enough, you can make anything happen!  I hope that these steps are helpful to you and if you feel they may help someone you know, please share this blog with them, and your friends on Facebook and Twitter on the buttons below.

I would also love to hear what has helped you dissolve fear in your life, so please share in the comment section below!

 

Much love and light,

 

When Lessons Present Themselves: Shifting from Upset to Equanimity

Yesterday was a day for lessons to be learned.  I wouldn’t have guessed it when I began the day, but by the end of the evening, I could see that I was being tested.  And by this morning I could see that the universe was truly speaking to me loud and clear!  I acknowledged my upset, was able to process it, and then find a place of equanimity in each situation I was presented with.

Here are the scenarios.  Midday I had to return to my former employer to drop off some important paperwork.  Was I fearful to go to this location after 2 years and painful memories? YES!  Did I want someone else to do this for me? YES!  Did I have the courage to do it anyways? YES!  Was I ok afterwards? YES!

LESSON:  Embrace my power and do what might be uncomfortable. Don’t ask anyone to do what I can do myself.

Evening time, after spending five hours preparing for out of town relatives to come over for a lovely dinner.  The table was set with my fine china and my crystal glasses.  Even Martha Stewart would have been impressed with my table decor!  During dinner, someone drops and breaks one of the dinner plates!  Ouch!  It’s OK, it is replaceable and everyone was OK.  Not even 20 minutes later, one of the crystal glasses is knocked over and shatters!  Ouch! It’s OK, its replaceable and it made the plate crasher not feel so bad.   Was I upset because my plate and glass were broken by other people? YES, but for just a second. The truth is that they are replaceable.

LESSON:  Possessions are just stuff and can be replaced.  I looked around at the loving family who we were sharing a meal with and saw that they were more important than any stuff!

And the last lesson for this whirlwind of 24 hours.  I go outside to our beautiful picturesque backyard that my husband and I spent hours trimming and planting to prepare for the dinner. Our beautiful fig vine that has enveloped the entire north side of the house was dead where it had grown on our patio ceiling.  My husband had accidently clipped a main artery to this beautiful piece of nature art.  Oh no, not the vine!  Was I upset, YES, and only for a second.  I quickly shifted to the realization that it is just a plant and, like a bad haircut,  it will grow back maybe even more beautiful.

LESSON:  In our efforts to rid of overgrowth and debris, we let go of something we hadn’t intended to.  We let it go of it anyways and will focus on the future growth.  

How did I shift from upset to equanimity in each situation?

1.  I acknowledged my feelings of upset.  It is a normal human reaction.  

2.  I rose above the situation and saw it with out any ego attachment that would make someone wrong.

3.  I saw the facts and truth in the situation.

4.  I looked towards my future actions that I would need to do.

5.  In my heart, I forgave myself for any judgments I may have had towards others or myself.

6.  I let it go.

7.  I looked for the lesson in each situation and kept that in my heart.

Three different times in a 24 hour period my emotions were triggered.  First with fear, then with upset (x 2).  Each time, I acknowledged my feelings, processed them in a healthy way and looked for the lesson in each situation.  Equanimity is finding that place of emotional balance that helps me keep the peace inside of me.  I find that with each lesson I can find that place of equanimity quicker each time, despite what challenges my every day life offers me.

Next time you find yourself in and an emotional state, try following the steps listed above and you too will find that peace inside of you.

 

Messages My Parents Didn’t Tell Me…….Creating a Belief From Watching Them

Your parents and authority figures had a powerful impact on your life and how your “Life Laws” were created.  Their impact didn’t even have to be words.  Your belief system and values may have been created by just watching your parent’s behavior… good or bad.

I had the privilege of facilitating a workshop this weekend about eliminating old messages and beliefs that can hold you back from living the life of your dreams. I was able to witness some deep reflection, awareness and healing among the participants. Each of them shared about an old message, some that were outdated and some that were so deeply ingrained in their psyche, they didn’t know if they could change it.

But the most powerful moment was when one of the participants shared how blessed her life has been because the message her mother told her, out loud and with her actions, was that she could be anything she wanted in her life.  She had a positive affirming mother, despite the challenges they went through in life.  Her mother told her good things about herself and demonstrated positive actions in her own life.   To see how successful this woman is today made sense.  She knew as a young child that she was loved, worthy and capable of anything she wanted in life.

Not everyone grew up that way, but you have the power to change those old messages or beliefs to be more affirming, loving and supportive in your life.  Simple messages like:

“I am worthy”

“I am lovable”

“I am beautiful inside and out”

“I deserve good things in my life”

“I live in gratitude and abundance”

“I deserve happiness in my life”

“I am enough”

You can take an old message, transmute it to a positive one and then create a lovely affirmation that supports your growth and upliftment.  Loving yourself with positive messages is food for your heart and soul.

What are your messages or beliefs?  What do you tell yourself?  Is it positive or negative?  Are you open and willing to change these messages if they no longer serve you?  Only you can give yourself the gift of self love, self worth and self honor.  Give yourself that gift today!

 

Forgiveness: Not Something We do for Others…It’s for Our Healing

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”   ~ Louis B. Smedes

Have you ever experienced the upset and anger for an injustice in your past?  Do you still feel the upset even today?

Chances are, you probably have.  Why?  Because you are human and this is a normal human experience.  These are human emotions that can be triggered by an outside event.  The upset and anger are what you feel inside within your emotional body. The key here is, what you do with that upset and anger.

Do you internalize it and keep it inside or externalize it with emotional outbursts?  Do you hold grudges and resentments towards those individuals?  Have you been holding on to those negative feelings for years?  Does this anger feed your “story” about the injustice?  Do you spew this anger onto others?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to know that there are other choices of how you look at a situation that has caused you this upset.  If you are open to looking at the other choices, here are some questions to ask yourself as you move forward in your healing process:

1.  How much energy am I expending on being angry and upset at this situation?

2.  Am I willing to give up my own personal energy to this situation?

3.  Have I acknowledged and processed my feelings in a healthy way…such as free-form writing?

4.  Am I judging the person, or their behavior, and what are those judgments?

5.  Am I open to releasing the negative emotion from my SELF?

6.  Am I open to the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a powerful healing process that is the inner action of giving love and compassion to our SELF and others.  It is the remedy to the pain and separation that anger, resentment and judgment causes. Forgiveness is the release of the chains that hold you back from the peace you so deserve in your life, despite the perceptions you may have created around the upsetting situation.

It doesn’t make what they did right, it releases you from the pain inside of you.  Forgiveness is truly the healing resource you have available to you in any situation.

Dean Ornish, M.D. writes in the Foreword of the book  A Course in Weight Loss/21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever  by Marianne Williamson,

“When we forgive others, it doesn’t excuse their actions; it frees us from our own stress and suffering.  These allow for deep levels of intimacy and community that are powerfully healing.  When you meet hatred with love, and fear with hope, this transforms YOU, as well as those around you.”

Are you ready to forgive and create a new way to remember?  Are you ready to change the memory of your past to the hope for your future?

Dealing with Change… When it’s time to Surrender & Trust

Funny how life brings us change.  Sometimes we are prepared for it and sometimes we are not. When we are not prepared for it, we can feel the pain in the change.  However we can flow with the change and feel different as we move through it.

I have watched a few friends of mine recently deal with losing their homes or businesses due to the challenging economy.  They saw the change early on and tried many different avenues to keep what they have worked hard to build up for so many years.  They grieved the change during the process.  So when it was time to let go…..to surrender….to trust….they moved through the process with much more grace.  No kicking, screaming and blaming.  Sad feelings…yes…grief for the change…yes…but with the trust that they would be ok.

In your life, when do you know its time to surrender and not fight the change?  How can you trust that all will be well when it does not feel like it?  Here are a few tips to help you through times of change and uncertainty:

1. Be open to the change.  Stop trying to control the outcome.  Let go and allow the change.  The change may be needed and it is difficult for you to see that while you are in the midst of it.

2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, grieve the change.  Feel the sadness, cry if it comes up.  When you let feelings out, you don’t need to repress them and hold them in your physical body.  Go through all stages of grief…its important for your future well being.

3. Accept the situation and yourself exactly where you are. Be in the present moment with your life.  Accept what is and move forward.  Don’t beat yourself up!

4. Surrender to your higher power. Challenging as this may seem, it is a key aspect in dealing with change to trust your higher power, however you define that.  God, Source, the Universe…what ever fits for you.

5. Visualize yourself after you have moved through the change. Picture yourself in your mind how you want to be after the change.  It will give you a goal to achieve of how you want your life to be.

6. Trust that all will be well. This is an activity of the heart and soul.  As you surrender to your higher power, know that there are sources taking care of you in your spiritual realm.

7. Consciously create positive thoughts, beliefs and actions about the change. Shift your cognitive processes to the positive and you will feel the difference.  When you feel the negativity creeping in, quickly change it and keep the positivity up!

8. Move with the ebb and flow of change with grace and ease. When you utilize these skills with any type of change, you move with the change like a wave.  You eliminate any struggle and find yourself in a more proactive, less reactive place in your life.

Learning to deal with change is a key tool in your own personal growth and evolvement. Understanding change and how to move through it can only improve the quality of your life.  We live in ever changing times now and these skills can assist you in your personal and professional life.  Remember them, practice them, and you can feel more peace and happiness as you embrace change!

12 Things Happy People do Differently

I came across this article and fell in love with everything I saw.  I had to share it with you in my blog!  Enjoy!!
12 Things Happy People do Differently

by Jacob Sokol of Sensophy

“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed.  I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.”   -Dan Millman

Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness.  These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives.  (Check out her book, The How of Happiness.)

I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable.

  1. Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.  Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness.  And that’s without having to go out and buy anything.  It makes sense.  We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.
  2. Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it.  She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
  3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
  4. Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain.  (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.)  Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness.  How extraordinary is that?  Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on.  A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
  5. Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
  6. Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character.  Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable.  Forrest Gump knows the deal.  It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan.  It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
  7. Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
  8. Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still.  It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task.  Action and awareness are merged.  You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional.  You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing.  Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
  9. Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.  It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences.  When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic.  It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
  10. Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force.  Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.  When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing.  Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
  11. Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us.  We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.  It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists.  Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”
  12. Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?  Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

Jacob Sokol is committed to living an extraordinary life.  Today he released “Living on Purpose – An Uncommon Guide to Finding, Living, and Rocking Your Life’s Purpose.”  He also loves his mom dearly.

 

When Holiday Family Traditions Change

Here is a picture of my kids with their cousins at Christmas. Despite changes in our family, they still embrace new traditions and connections with each other.

Here is a picture of my kids with their cousins at Christmas. Despite changes in our family, they still embrace new traditions and connections with each other.

The Holidays are upon us and we are supposed to be joyful, right?  What happens when your family changes and your traditions change?  It can be upsetting indeed to not do the same things you have done for years.  Or does it have to be upsetting?  We have a choice about being upset or sad….or to find the joy in creating new traditions.

Families change with marriages, divorce and death of our loved ones.   I know how difficult it was for me when I went through a divorce years ago and my kids were not with me for every celebration.  But I respected the fact that a change was happening and I created new traditions.

Now I have the addition of my loving husband and his kids to add to my new family traditions.  We embrace change and just enjoy whomever we are with and have loving memories of our past traditions.

Here are a few steps to help during the holidays if you are faced with changing your family traditions:

1. Treasure your memories of your past.   Keep them close in your heart for they were a part of your happiness at a different time in your life.

2. Select a new day of celebration.  It does not have to be on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  Select a few days before or a few days after the actual holiday and make it your own.

3. Embrace change.  Know that our lives are ever evolving and change is imminent.

4. Be in the moment and find the joy in it.  When you shift your way of thinking and look for the glimmers of joy, you will surely find them.

5. Be grateful for where you are in your life right now.   You might be in the middle of a divorce or grieving the death of a loved one, but know your are human and there are lessons to be learned in every challenging experience.

We are meant to connect to others and it seems especially fitting during the holidays.  As we celebrate together, our heart connections become deeper.  Allow yourself to flow with what ever change you might be experiencing.  Reach out to others for support.  Create your new traditions as you and your life evolve.

Much love,

chris-signature