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Skipping Over The Pain

Who wants to feel pain?  If you hurt yourself physically such as spraining your ankle, you take a pain reliever….right? You eliminate the pain and suffering. It helps you tolerate the pain and still get on with life.

Yet what happens when you feel emotional pain?

Do you automatically take a pain reliever? A pain reliever for emotional pain might be…

…avoidance.no pain

…busyness.

…justification.

…alcohol or drugs.

…any combination of these “pain relievers” listed above.

Again, who wants to feel pain?

Not too long ago, I was an expert at skipping over my own pain.

My feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness were pushed down with avoidance and busyness.  I even created a story that justified my actions.  No one knew how often I shoved down my upset feelings.

I just kept plugging away at my life and skipping over my pain.

Seriously I was so good at skipping over any pain. I was also the one who took ibuprofen and cold medicine at the first sign of physical pain or illness.  I didn’t have time for the pain.

What I didn’t see was the manifestation of my actions. It was adding to my stress and anxiety in life. I was totally drained physically and actually moved to a place of numbness in my emotions.

emotions4I was so numb, I wasn’t even aware when I skipped the pain. My actions had become unconscious.

Until I finally had hit my threshold of silent suffering and asked for help.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she could see how numb I was. I had stuffed my anger and put on my big smile (my mask) so long it took a while before I could feel the anger and upset.

Needless to say, she and I worked together to help me feel the anger and release it in a safe way.  Pillows, plastic bats, yelling and screaming…I got so much out!

It was like I popped the cork and let the sh** flow out!

My life began to shift once I began to feel my emotions, especially the upsetting ones. Mad, anger, resentful, sadness, shame, guilt…I was finally able to feel them all and let them flow from me instead of avoiding them.

Coincidently at this time I also became allergic to over the counter pain medication! Now I had to feel the pain…of my physical and emotional pain.

Do you ever find yourself skipping over your pain?

Do you ignore it, avoid it and stay busy to not experience it?

Do you medicate your emotional pain?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, know that you are not alone. It is part of our human conditioning to avoid pain AND if you desire to live a fulfilling and healthy life, it is necessary to feel ALL your emotions.

Here are some steps to support you in this process.

  1. When you feel a disturbance of your peace inside, your physiology is triggered. This is your indicator that some emotion is coming up. DON’T SKIP OVER THE FEELINGS!
  2. Stop what are doing, take a personal break from what you are doing and give yourself some space to inquire inside. STEP AWAY!
  3. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me?” Don’t sugar coat it, ask for the truth and allow the emotion to come up. SEE THE TRUTH!
  4. Your feeling might be anger or sadness…both are very real and important feelings. If you are feeling the anger, grab a pen and paper and write down what is coming up for you. I call this “Free Form Writing” where you kinesthetically release your upset emotions on to the paper. You just write every dirty word, uncensored, raw and real words that want to come up.  DON’T REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE! This is a healthy release of upset emotions and and opportunity for you to tap into what’s really going on inside of you.
  5. As you release your anger, you might feel like crying.  LET YOUR TEARS FLOW! Your tears flow as a release from any emotion that may have been blocked. Don’t judge your crying as weak as it is imperative that you allow them to flow.
  6. Remember, don’t reread what you wrote in your Free Form Writing. Crumple up your paper and BURN IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
  7. Move to a place of love and compassion for yourself.  APPLY LOVING AND LIGHT to the parts that hurt.
  8. Repeat these steps as needed when you feel an upset inside. Your personal self-inquiry is so important as you will find out what’s really going on inside of you. FIND YOUR HEALTHY RELEASE!

The more you can identify and feel your upsetting emotions, the more you will be able to feel the good emotions like joy, happiness, fulfillment and love.

I use these tools in my life to support my mental, emotional and physical health. And there are still times that I find emotions5myself skipping over my feelings. I am blessed to work with an amazing coach and spiritual teacher who helps me see my blind spots when I’m unconsciously skipping over my pain.

I continue to do my own inner work and do my own self-inquiries about my feelings in my life.  As I do my own work, it strengthens me so I can support my clients and the people in my life.

To bring this poignant topic home, I am sharing more lyrics from Carly Simon’s song, “Haven’t Got Time For the Pain” that bring this full circle:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that’s just how much it cost to survive in this world
’til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white light
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven’t got time for the pain
I haven’t got room for the pain
I haven’t the need for the pain
Not since I’ve known you”

Fill your heart with self-compassion and love. “Open up and drink in all that white light pouring down from heaven.”

If this blog post touches your emotions and resonates with you, I’d love to hear your comments or questions in the comment section below.

If you desire more support in understanding more about your feelings, I invite you to call me so I can support you in finding more peace, happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Much love,

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